This year is flying by hella quick. Especially when you are doing something that you enjoy. I can recall my younger days being in school, in class and time was going by so slow. I'd stare at the clock as it slowly ticks second-by-second, watching the minute ticker move ever so slowly 6-degrees at a time.
I always wondered why and now that I've matured (sort of) and is more aware, it is because I absolutely did not want to be there, had no interest in the subject, and/or did not enjoy being there (required and expected of). I just had no interest in being forced into what was considered normal/standardized way of learning, IE: going to school and attending a fixed structured curriculum of classes. I never understood how someone can finish high-school and have a grasp of what they wanted to major in and decide on a career in life. I had no idea what I wanted to do, and I was very confident that I would have absolutely no idea what I wanted to do once I graduated - and being forced with a decision to apply to colleges with a good sense of what you wanted to do/pursue was beyond me. It never made sense to me and I couldn't understand it.
- I had no idea what I was really interested in (yet) nor wanted to do or pursue - so I was aimlessly learning (what I didn't like/forced to learn). Nothing captivated nor inspired me. Nothing felt like my calling that resonated within (the soul). And if I had any sense of my calling of interests (whatever it may be) to enchant me in its charms (pull me in, captivate) of curiosity-exploration-understanding, I could have focused on the pre-requisites (classes, books, etc.) and foundations (learnings, understanding, research and studies) to pursue those interests/calling of the soul, leading to creating the path/idealization for a rich in abundance & fulfilling life - which potentially would lead to careers that I wanted to be in.
Unfortunately, having no adult-figures, mentors or someone to learn from/look up to, I dropped out (at a very young age, 15) and ended up mindlessly distracted by playing video games (and other things) since it captivated and stimulated me. But I really wish I had the right people around me to be able to communicate & articulate via breakdown & simplify the complexities of video-games, programming, software in a digestible way for younger me to comprehend or have a grasp of - and how it was created with technologies of implementations of softwares, the structures & algorithms and to define it simplistically to the source/root, code. Now, I have a better understanding, that games are literally created out of nothing - these vast, beautiful worlds that tells stories, create communities, friendships/partnerships, competition (to be better), businesses/companies (brands - millions/billions) and a potential life/career outside the standard expectations of corporate (9-5). Companies built from ground up worth millions if not trillions - all from code. Individuals creating their own unique brands/products - creating and building products solves problem(s) and offers value. Fascinating, surreal and truly inspiring and dope as fuck.
From January to March, I spent some time focusing on self-care - evaluating what I've gone through these last couple years and just taking it slow to create an environment (safe & a place call home), removing the toxic/negative people in my life, taking care of my health and working on finding/surrounding/building a safe community of people that is continuously working on growing to be better and/or emulate/share similar values, ethics, philosophy - they work on themselves, make efforts to understand/sympathize with people, are honest, caring, respectful, supportive, have high-integrity and are truth seekers.
It has been very tough with such big changes - especially removing friends (whom I've known for more than half my life) and family (I was born into).
Also, I've never realized I've been gaslit, manipulated and abused my whole life, unfortunately through uncontrollable circumstances. These traumas and experiences are something I will have to continuously work on for the rest of my life. Nonetheless, I am grateful to be here and have this opportunity to learn, grow and move forward.
I've started journaling (Feb 7th) consistently to practice writing so I can improve, remember and work through my feelings & thoughts. I don't really have a format nor structure, I just write what's in my head at the moment. It has help provide a lot of clarity - especially for the negative thoughts that you let marinate unconsciously in the head. So far, I've wrote in it every morning since February 7th - it is usually how I start my day and takes between 5 - 30 minutes. Sometimes my head is blank - so I let it wander a bit until thoughts come in. I don't force it and there are days where it takes me 10-minutes to write 2-3 sentences.
Other than that, I've been diving deep into the technology world - from the basics of coding/programming, web development to machine-learning, large-language-models and artificial intelligence and I'm absolutely fascinated by the stories, the people, the potential and the opportunities (created && yet to be created). It will have such a profound impact on all industries and it seems we are just in the beginning of it. So many markets have yet to implement nor know how implement such technologies, that can greatly improve efficiencies, solve complex problems, remove friction, and overall positively impact with the potential to exponentially push forward everything.
This is so exciting and I'm honestly just glad to be here.
🩵🩶💜💙